Wednesday, December 26, 2007

britney's banging a papparazzo!

I hate Ashley Tisdale's new nose.

She went from looking like she had a bad overbite to looking like a more rodent-y "every slutty girl in 10th grade".

She really should have gotten some advice from Ashlee Simpson. That girl knows how to get a fuckin' nose job.

That is all.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

she ain't nothin' but a hoochie mama

ok 2 things...

1. Is that Jenna Elfman's voice on the commercial? It sounds a ton like her.

2. I just saw a commercial for the Methodist church. Are religions having commercials now? Really? Are Methodists that hard up? I know a lot of Methodists... but really. Religion is not pop culture, and it's not something you buy (except Scientology)... let's get it off my tv, yeah? Too weird.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

we prefer the term mentally hilarious


Still love ya, Brit.

Monday, December 17, 2007

men men men men manly men men men

what's with all the claymation commercials? mac and alltel, both with santa... in claymation. I don't know. Unless it's in association with Frosty the Snowman or Rudolph, claymation and Christmas don't necessarily go together to me. But, at least they're cute-ish, I guess. I miss the real alltel guy. Call me, Chad!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

really joe lieberman? really?

Bad girls club is the best show... possible. God. Talk about television with class. On the season premier, Tanitha (?) was running around and fell and started yelling "pimp down!". I kid you not. GOD THIS IS SO AWESOME. Watch it.

I could never hang with these bitches.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

it's motherfucking britney bitch

I do this a lot. These are pretty fantastic.

and, get ready for a whole lot of awesome...

go watch the piece of me video... gotta hand it to her, lookin hot in the purple dress. Even though I'm SURE she just threw her hair up in that bun like halfway through the shoot and refused to take it down.

and of course

Britney 4-eva

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I saw you wading in the water

Late of the Pier is the greatest band you should listen to them and rock out it will make you happy!

This is the only actual music video so far, I think, and it's not their best song, but it's interesting and I like the electro stuff.

This is my favorite song of their, but it's live so it sounds different... it's on their myspace...

looooove it. They're from the UK they are obviously kind of weird and probably really fun to party with and probably kind of sweating? but maybe in a hot way.

Monday, December 10, 2007


I'm really trying to hate it, because I don't really like remakes, and the poster was terrible, but the more previews I see for Alvin and the Chpimunks the more I think it might be amazing.

I'm watching Mary Poppins and Uncle Albert is stuck on the ceiling. HE LOVES TO LAUGH!

Chim Chiminee

Mary Poppins is awesome. Dick VanDyke is awesome. Julie Andrews is awesome. These kids are fucking awesome. They just jumped into a painting. And you totally buy it. Yeah, they totally just jumped the hell into that painting, they're running off to the merry go round, but "don't fall and smash the drawing." It IS a jolly holiday. There is really nothing about this movie that isn't awesome. The cartoon farm animals singing are perfect. Everything with magic is always fascinating, and EVERYHITNG in this movie is about magic. Mary Poppins is the original Harry Potter. I guess Angela Lansbury is the original Mary Poppins. Bedknobs and Broomsticks is fucking awesome too.

if you're impatient start it at 1:50

and obviously

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I guess scott baio got married

FOUR WEEKS 'TIL AMERICAN GLADIATORS! God I hope Nitro is still on.

britney IS pregnant?

walk a mile in vintage heels

Saturday, December 8, 2007

is nathan petrelli dead?!!?

This was my favorite. It's worth your time. Do it.

Awesome. Yes. Haha I've watched it 4 times.

And... you know the twist and shout scene from Ferris Bueller? this is like that, but more educational. And BETTER. filming this must have been so fun. This reminds me of how weird and awesome people used to be. It's like when the harlem globetrotters were cool and pot was universal and people didn't even conceive of text messaging yet... in fact I don't even think they had post its yet... post its are the original text messaging.

Marlo Thomas is awesome.

bigger than the beatles

I'm pumped bianca got cut

OH MY GOD I placed it! I didnt look this up I swear, but I'm pretty sure Rebecca on Beauty and the Geek was in the babysitters club tv series. Or, if not, something in a very similar vein. Hmmmmm I bet the website doesn't even have her last name. It's torturing me.

evel kneivel is dead rip


Tuesday, December 4, 2007


this girl Jasmine just got totally humiliated on beauty and the geek. she handled it really well though. she's VERY pretty. But wow. They're making her like... touch a tarantula and it's huge and gross and she can't and she's CRYING.
This was really embarassing.

eta 15 minutes later: OH MY GOD this show HAS TO BE STOPPED. This is humiliating. Oh god, every part of it, everyone looks terrible, it's painful. Oh god. Joshua's MOM just got called on as a surprise and she's wearing a t shirt with his face on it. And now he won "geekiest geek" oh wow.

5 minutes later and they are making rebecca, this very pretty sweet girl, come on stage and massage one of the geeks because he got all his back hair waxed and she promised. This is criminal, she could die. They like brought in a massage table.

I hope Jasmine wins. She's so pretty, and the girl geek is lame. Shut up, nerd.

(commercial break) did you know 1 in 4 people think they sweat more than normal? SPICE GIRLS commercial I want tickets it's tomorrow. Most commercials are bad. I am NOT watching Crowned.

The girl who really wants camera time is blabbering about something, she looks so desperate. uncomfortable. Now all the geek guys are saying how much more they're getting laid now. awkward.

THEY'RE NAMING THE WINNER. VOTED FOR BY YOU - AMERICA - YOU! That's how they're saying it. They keep saying America. Awwwwwkward.

open the envelopes on the count of 3...

(commercial break)

what happens is kids see something being done subversively on mtv or whatever and then in an act of attempted subversiveness they copy these actions... but what they don't get is that every other kid is seeing that and copying that too... and when it becomes apparent that their actions are not unique, instead of seeing that connection, they assume that others are copying them, and then they become arrogant, along with being an unoriginal douchebag. That's the problem, I think, because at some point everyone wants to be subversive (or, a teenagers version of it), but no one just knows how to go about that organically.

DAVE AND JASMINE WIN!!!!! OH I'm so happy! They are so much better.



Monday, December 3, 2007

the rhythm is gonna get ya

j lo is pregnant and nobody cares

I really just can't see any good reason why I shouldn't win the lottery.

Friday, November 30, 2007

lindsay lohan is single

Open letter to all the people who wrote negative reviews of Pauly Shore is Dead:

Ok. I don't know what you people are talking about.

You're all reviewing it as though he's trying to be funny... like it's so slapstick that it's over the top and that's why it seemed depressing, because it was so depressingly not funny... that's what YOU'RE thinking. But the movie completely meta'd itself by having pauley talk about wanting to be a more serious actor, and this was his first attempt at making "real", work. This was pretty heart wrenching at times, and he did a pretty good job. And yeah, part of the time he was hilarious and was doing the weasel bit, but that's because his character was supposed to be acting like the weasel ironically, and he melded it well with his character, which I have to believe is a far reach from him in some ways and exactly like him in others...

I guess you can look at it from whatever perspective you want and if you're a huge biodome fan that wore a lot of flannel or drank a lot of jaeger (not that either of these things is negative... I love jaeger. And flannel), I can see why this movie might not appeal to you, because that's not what you're looking for when you flip on a pauly shore movie... and that's what I thought for a lot of the time I was watching it, it's pretty impossible to get past it... but I guess you just have to see it as Pauly evolving.

Beyond that, the movie was hilarious and filled with ridiculous celebrities. Kurt Loder? Hilarious. Exactly what has crossed your mind but you've banished the thought immediately. Michael Madsen, Mark McGrath, Tom Sizemore, Kaeto Kaelin... some of the best points.

some quotes...

(phone rings)"Aww... it's fuckin' hendrix, he wants his pokemon cards back."

"Oh look, it's Tom Sizemore"
"No you idiot that's Michael Madsen."
"What's the difference?"
"Six inches."

(phone rings)"Ah shit... it's marilyn she wants her dildo back"

There is also a hilarious exchange between pauly and Mark McGrath on a mini golf course. You really have to see it, I tried to find the quote on the internet but everyone hates this movie. That's because everyone is lame.

The entire thing is so biting and so unexpected and so gut twisting and sarcastic and heartfelt, which almost seems impossible... everyone else may hate this movie... don't believe the hype. Pauly Shore is Dead. Do it.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

britney's not pregnant

some of my friends are in this... and it's hilarious.

'nuff said.

ron loves hermione

Jenah from Americas Next Top Model is awesome, I want to hang out with her, plus she's gorgeous. She's been my favorite since day 1 and I thought I didn't like the blonde that much, cuz it made her look too generic and a little like Caridee in pics (and you KNOW they won't pick people who look alike 2 years in a row) but now she's really rocking it. Also, I like her teeth... as weird as that sounds. I hope she wins. HERE'S HER PICTURE!

Gorgeous. Also, she's only 18 (and like I must say about almost every tv personality that I mention, probably too young for me too want to hang out with this bad), but she comes off as older. I'm pretty sure we'd be best friends, or she'd think I was super annoying, but either way I'd think she was dope.

fuck the east coast, Jenah, come to la and be my hot friend.

Friday, November 23, 2007

buffy loves angel

Against Me! is in Tegan and Sara's top friends.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

feel better mary-kate!

and happy thanksgiving to Britney, let me know if you want somone to take shots of Wild Turkey with you. I'M SERIOUS YOU'RE AWESOME.

Hot Canadians: Cassie Steele

Hooray! My first Degrassi cast member!!!

Cassie Steele, if any of you POSSIBLY don't know in which case you hate good television, is Manny on Degrassi. She fucking rocks. I will do my best to summarize her tv life for you, but it's from memory so don't hate if I leave something out. Also, I'm sorry if it gets a little long, if you don't want the background skip to the next paragraph.

Manny is best friend with Emma since forever, she used to be kind of nerdy because she was really little and, well, Emma was nerdy, and she hung out with JT and Toby and Liberty... this is the central underclass group of friends. She has very overbearing parents, or I guess just her dad but her mom never helps. She has been in love with Craig since he showed up in the early seasons as a transfer student with an abusive father (we'll get to that in Jake Epstein's eventual post... hot.). She decided to rebel in I believe 9th grade and started dressing super hot, because she is, culminating in the thong incident. Then everyone wanted her, she wanted Craig. She had a brief flirtation with Spinner, I believe before she started hooking up with Craig by seducing him once, and then again at a rave, and they started regularly cheating on his current GF, Ashley. Craig told Manny had broken up with Ashley after a while, even though he hadn't, abd then he was then when she found out he was lying, he told her the same thing again... and was lying again. Craig is sort of a douche. BUT THEN Manny was pregnant, and Craig got really excited because he's kind of nuts and desperate for affection because of the whole dad thing and him being bipolar, and so he wanted to keep it and like start a family, but she didn't and got an abortion because, well, they're 16.Then (I think) she had a brief flirtation with Spinner, causing a major rift with him and Paige. Those last 4 things may be all out of order, I've never watched it straight through. Oh, but after the Craig thing, everyone for NO GOOD REASON just started thinking Manny was a huge slut and being really mean to her... because as she says to JT when he wants to ask her to the dance but almost doesn't because Spinner says she's a slut, Craig was the one cheating on HIS girlfriend, but no one ever talks about that,do they? I'm pretty sure I just directly quoted Degrassi from memory. NICE. But she goes with JT and they kind of date for a second but then break up because he gets really insecure after she sees his penis in the hot tub (JT is not well endowed it's a running joke.) Then there's a little break in Manny drama, but the next season when she's gotten all hot and shit she starts seriously pursuing her dream of being an actress, but an agent calls her fat and the wrong body type (partially because entertainment is cruel, partially because of the HEINOUS outfit she wears, and partially because that agent is a moron), and so Manny gets upset and wants to get a boob job but her parents find out and kick her out of the house and she gets really drunk and shows peter (the new guy who Emma likes but who wants Manny, who Manny won't go out with because Emma likes him so now he's pissed and, as we find out he is a SLIME) her boobs at a party and he films it and sends it to the whole school. She moves in with Emma and lives there for a while. This chronology may be really screwed up. Anyways... later she is still with Craig and he is a musician and he comes back and is on coke and she tries it and is HILARIOUS but then realizes that he loves drugs more than her and she totally faces him and it's her most awesome episode ever. THEN after JT dies she starts trying to help mend the fences between Degrassi and Lakehurst and kind of dates Damien who is their student council president, but it doesn't go anywhere because of the whole school war and whatnot, plus this season him not wanting the schools to unify. Oh yeah and throughout the whole early part she's a cheerleader, the choreographer and obviously the best one, who has a huge like nemesis relationship with Paige, the head cheerleader, hence the hitting on Spinner and breaking her leg kind of intentionally when Kevin Smith was visiting. Oh and now she's super punk and cool and just turned 18 and brought Jay as her date and FINALLY convinced her dad to let her act. GOT ALL THAT? Jeez. I am going to have to do this for every character. I'm so pumped.

ANYWAYS so that's what I have for you about Manny right now, but we're here to talk about Cassie, who seems just really awesome. She's far more interesting and hardcore seeming than the show she's on would have you predict, she has a pierced nose and her hair is ever changing. Also, she's a singer, and I have to say pretty good. Here's a video of her doing one of her songs, look how cute she is!

I was facebook friends with her for like a month before the degrassi people all went private or deleted... I'm not sure they realize how much people love them... but anyways she had lots of picture she takes at her computer, which I think is endearing... here's one:
that's her room in the background... she is surprising. Her music career seems to be really going somewhere which is very cool... I always go on her myspace to request that she do a show in Los Angeles, but it seems like those kids rarely leave Toronto except for events in New York... but someday it'll happen.

So the vital stats: she was born in 1989 making her way too young to want to hang out with her this bad. She's been on Degrassi since it started. She's a regular guest star on The Best Years, and is great and completely different that Manny, and it's nice to see that range in her. She's obviously gorgeous. Pretty much she kicks the most ass on Degrassi (even though I am reluctant to declare her my favorite character, as I'm a little obsessed with some of the others as well.)

You should download her music, watch degrassi, and find out all "aboot" Cassie Steele. See what I did there.

you better slow your mustang down

If you're into someone who's in a band but you meet them in a setting separate from their music, what' the appropriate reaction to their band? "I love you guys!!!"? "who?" or just "oh... cool..." (but they will ask what you think of them, eventually, and THEN what?) There's so much etiquette, especially in more artistic scenes... don't act like you know people are famous, but don't ask who they are if they're really famous, they're not retarded... wear designers clothes to their fashion shows and events... DONT wear a band's t-shirt to their concert, that's tacky... it's hard to keep up. I need hollywood scene finishing school.

points: pilgrims

So I was watching todays (VERY welcome) Rock of Love marathon, and I was thinking... the thing about dating reality shows is that with women, it's easy. If you put a bunch of pretty women who are not super bright in the same place with a guy, they will compete and so they all will want him. On top of that, if there's a prize (which there always is) or the guy is famous or rich (which they always say he is), women are masters at justifying that no, they see past that, they're REALLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM... it's always purely shallow, but women can really make themselves believe it, they WILL fall in love with this man. So, automatically, you have great tv, and the characters are sympathetic because you know they really think that this is real.

Men are not that easy. I mean, the girls they get for reality shows are obviously chosen because they are girls guys want, and they are girls that can get guys to be way into them... at the same time, men are not just falling in love willy-nilly... if it were that easy, then there wouldn't be all those girls on the other reality shows trying to find love... so when guys are competing for a girl, that's what it is... they're competing with eachother, and guys get off on that so they go hard. But for the most part, it's a lot harder to buy that all these guys are IN LOVE with this girl, and so the characters seem a lot less sympathetic... so I guess in that case, the one you're supposed to feel empathy with is still the girl. Because in the end if someone gets their heart broken in REAL life, and not just for tv, it will probably be her. Because she has to pick, and they're probably faking.

The obvious exception being Tila Tequila, but that's because guys who fall in love with her are internet weirdos and perverts... so I consider that an independent variable that does not effect my hypothesis as it is not in the testing set. YAY SCIENCE!

thoughts on tonight's tv...

ANTM... When they got to the "tour", how much was Lisa sweating? Was that sweat? Because it was pretty obvious and excessive, I'm surprised the producers didn't have her change... When they got to the commercial shoot why wasn't Shantal carrying a bag? Did someone carry her stuff for her?... It really pissed me off that Bianca didn't do the challenge. Dude it's season 8 (?) and in about 7 they've had to be high up, did you not see this coming? Cowboy up... I like Heather, but her commercial was pretty pathetic... Tyra's going crazy, y'all...But god Lisa was getting annoying, good riddance... I miss Victoria she was so cute, and I love Jena but I see what they're saying...

Project Runway... There was no way they'd cut Christian he's the best "character" they have because that other lady... Alisha? I don't know... is too annoying and spacey to be the likable one, and they're the two with the most prominent personalitites so far. There is no one even close to replacing Daniel Vosovic or Michael Knight yet... But really Christian's outfit was good it was just the styling that was off... lose the belt and put her hair down and give her some earrings and its definitely not 80's anymore... I love Victoria's dress though I hope I can buy it.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

dream a little dream for me

So this girl's fun...

Her name's Sophie Anderton, and she's a famous supermodel. Also, in her downtime, a coke whore. Soooo awesome. I can't write anything much better than what the actual article says, because it's pretty awesome... she satirizes herself better than I think anyone could intentionally... so I'll summarize.

+ she hates kate moss and calls her "a fucking nightmare" and also made such a sexual disgusting slur about her that an article printing naked pictures of this girl doing coke felt it was too much to print... AWESOME.
+ she bought coke, tried to sell some to the undercover guy doing the story, did lines in front of him, and talked about how she does it all the time
+ kept talking about different sexual acts and how much she charges for them... she'll hit you for extra, and she's down for threesomes, FYI... and it's 10,000 pounds for a night with her. DONT WORRY it's only because she's buying a house and things are tight right now.
+ she fully stripped down and was ready to have sex with the reporter. That's hilarious.

Way to have the WORST POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER with an undercover reporter. Ever. There is seriously little she could do to make herself look worse.

This girl is like Britney with less class, less fan base and way less reason to be sympathetic or understanding. This is like... well, it's hilarious. This is the definition of trainwreck. I kind of love it. Anyways... the whole article is here... and here's a picture of her doing a line!!!


Monday, November 12, 2007


only 1460 days 'til 11/11/11... get pumped.

and hey look Lindsay Lohan's back in on the cobrasnake action...


Thursday, November 8, 2007


is this serious??????

I can't even tell... I hope it is... because I think it may be the most effective advertising I've seen... probably ever. And it's because it's using the negatives of the product. GENIUS. I actually have a cough. I'm buying this tomorrow. GOD WHY is this SO AWESOME?

"It tastes terrible. It works great."

The commercials aren't on youtube, but here's a joke one, I think...

You have to see the real commercials. That quote above is actually their slogan. This is the most genius shit ever.

wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with

Architecture in Helsinki is so fucking dope.

They were at the Troubadour this week, they were awesome.

If you like this song, you should check out the Dr. Dog cover too... it's on myspace, it's completely different but still completely awesome.

Sam from AIH signed my poster.

music is my hot hot sex

This quote was just on 30 Rock:
"When I die, they will put my face on money. That is, if there were money in the future, instead of just hugs."

so true, David Schwimmer... so true.

Also... the Los Feliz public library computer room seems to be a shrine to Leonardo DiCaprio. There are 4 posters. 2 for Titanic, 1 for The Beach, and 1 for The Aviator. This may be the most hilarious and random thing I have ever seen. However, this has also increased my appreciation of my neighborhood by at least a billion points.

Oh. And.

I don't think I like Tell Me You Love Me, but I'm in love with Palek. This is him...

He's amazing. I'll marry him. Like, now.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

come get your ham

I hate Emmy Rossum's song.

whatever it takes

ok... I don't know why it makes me laugh so hard when he says "dumb" but it fucking kills me. get high or something and watch for yourself:

I can't stop laughing.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

streetlights... people...

so check this out... someone caught a glimpse of Banksy while he was working on his latest masterpiece... gotta say, it's pretty awesome.

In case you're not aware, Banksy is a British graffiti artist/super sneaky awesome guy. You've seen his stuff, the most famous (or at least the most prevalent) being those rats that are all over... which are pretty cool. Most of them are smaller that the one to the right... like a foot tall or something.
I'm pretty sure that the original rats were sort of anarchist/anti-government figures, and that perspective has remained pretty standard in his work, though most of the recent stuff is less aggressive... more pro-peace than anti-gov. He's very famous, and it's pretty impossible to get one of his originals now, they sell for crazy amounts... I guess some house with one of his murals on the side went on sale and they listed it as "a mural with a house attached." Hah.

Also, Banksy is, I guess, the guy who made the fake covers on the Paris Hilton CD, where she's naked. So, not only is he super stealth and completely created and talented, he's also hilarious. Let's give him a hand.

I don't know, if he doesn't want people to know who he is, leave him alone... but at the same time, it'd be cool to meet him. Plus, he could probably get arrested... even though a lot of his work is legal at this point, he's pulled some weird stuff... plus it must drive city officials crazy that his stuff keeps popping up everywhere, which is kind of awesome.

Here's a few more of his tags (I guess they're considered that)...
this one's on Melrose...

In general they're pretty clever and if they have a message it's usually a pretty good one... very anti-media induced stupidity and whatnot. Banksy. Awesome.

Monday, October 29, 2007

lamest world series ever

I'm pretty sure that Frank TV is never actually coming on... it's just some weird Matrix meets the Truman Show mind game or something. All those impressions are terrible. I hate FrankTV.

Mary-Kate is on Weeds.

surefire hangover cure

Bitters and soda with lime. It has officially changed my life. It doesn't taste good, but it works like a charm. You're welcome.


Britney Spears, ladies and gentlemen!

God I love her. She just oozes class.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Hot Canadians: Rachel McAdams

Rachel McAdams is the next Canadian. I am pretty sure she is my favorite actress, even though I can never shake my devotion to Lindsay... but it's on a different level. She is completely gorgeous, obvs (see right). I mean... she's pretty perfect looking and I guess she seems charming and nice, and I like what she does with her hair usually, she likes to take risks... dark with bangs and then that caramel color and then the blonde with the pink in it... which I actually didn't love but she's still very pretty. But Also she seems reasonably normal and cool and fun or whatever, everyone seems to like working with her... of course. she's canadian. And until recently (like, within hours) she was dating Ryan Gosling, and they were adooooorable and they hung out in Toronto and in the snow and stuff and were cute and normal and just great and it's like you could hang out with them, and they'd be those friends that were just way too nice all the time, but not necessarily in an annoying way.

To place where they met, there's this:

I mean we all loved that. You couldn't not love it, heartbreaking.

And then. Of course.
There is Regina George, from Mean Girls. Mean Girls gets a bad rap because it's Lindsay and it's pink and bouncy and so it's targeted towards kids and so people think it won't be smart and funny, but it was written by Tina Fey and Lindsay is a great actress despite whatever and the guy who plays the guy is very attractive... and the message is hammered home pretty hard, but it's a good one so it's alright. And, Rachel McAdams is perfect as Regina, with that wig. Hmmm. I think it was hard for people to deal with her not having that hair in her next movie... I guess wedding crashers was next, and she had that dark hair and a bigger forehead... it was a tough transition. But in wedding crashers isn't she the cutest? Great.

So there you go.

Rachel McAdams. Canadian.

Hot Canadians: Tokyo Police Club

The next installation in our Hot Canadians series is Tokyo Police Club... They. Are. Awesome. I'm telling you... I've been obsessed with them since way before Coachella, where they completely rocked it. Granted, their first cd was 7 songs... all of which were awesome, but that's a pretty sparse playlist... but they're pretty amazing. I saw them at the El Rey about a week and a half ago and they killed it. This is them:

And, beyond being, musically, one of the best bands I've encountered in a long while, they're pretty hot also. So that helps. Anyways, they're from Ontario, they've only been a band since '05, which is CRAZY considering how successful they are... they have a couple new songs that aren't on their debut cd on their myspace... I'm pretty in love with them. You should be too. Check them out, do it, you'll be obsessed within moments. My fave: Be Good RAC Remix, which is on their Smiths CD that they were selling at their concert... their new single 'your english is good' is pretty amazing also.

Anyways, I obviously have less information about them than I did about the previous Hot Canadians... but they're awesome, and they're hot (to the point where, when they were at Cinespace, I got too freaked out to approach them, and I approach everyone), so you should love them. GO. LISTEN. LOVE.

Hot Canadians: Michael Cera

So here begins what I plan to make a regular series, Hot Canadians. The thing is, every time I find some band or some actor or actress that I just think seems really awesome, they end up being from Canada. Any country that can bring us Degrassi, Alanis Morisette and maple syrup is ok by me... plus, socialized health care! HOORAY!

So, I'll do a few to get started... and the clear choice to kick it off... Michael Cera!!

I mean look how cute he is. So awkward... it's such an endearing quality and I just think he's hilarious. So he was in Arrested Development as George Michael, and that show was the funniest thing on television, totally mis-cancelled, lame. Jason Bateman, too, you can't go wrong with that. Is he Canadian? I don't know. Anyways, George Michael is just... perfect. So terribly humiliating all the time, I can't believe. And then of course, the funniest movie... maybe ever, Superbad. I think we all saw it. So you know. "I know, samesies!" I kind of died.

And then I found this picture:

and I don't know if it's a poster for something or what, but that's pretty cool, it's like he's in a smoking room at a prep school or something... but in a good way. Like a Dead Poet's Society type of boarding school, but without the suicide and censorship.

And apparently he does all these web shows, which are hilarious. Here. this is him doing a fake interview, as himself. Watch it.

It's so ridiculous. Who writes this stuff??? "be yourself, as long as that means that you are a successful person."

Michael Cera. A Canadian to watch.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

your love life's d.o.a.

lolcats are sometimes really hilarious.

in case you missed it JK Rowling outed Dumbledore last night. This is obviously a development that affects us all deeply. There were no other gay wizards mentioned though, which is interesting... I guess the parallel issue would be muggles marrying non-muggles. The whole series was increasingly socially political, both within the wizarding world (obviously) and in the muggle world (ie the thinly veiled cuts at the US government thought by the Prime Minister). This is definitely a positive... it keeps the book from being "fluff" or too easily disregarded as being for kids, and it (kind of) has a message. On the other hand, it's going to make it way too easy for some crazy to refer back to the series after every major terrorist attack/war/social conflict until the end of time and show how it was "predicted"... conspiracy theorists are intense.

Friday, October 19, 2007

she was such a pyt

I wasn't going to say anything. But I think we need to talk about Lindsay Lohan. I think it's time.

Linds. I really thought it was kind of lame when you went to rehab. Your heart is obviously not in it... I mean, you're 20 years old. You're gorgeous. You're rich. Everyone wants to be around you and party with you. You love cocaine. All these factors put together make it really difficult for any rational person to believe that you've seen the error of your ways and are really down to shape up and turn into... well, a real person. Also... while it was getting kind of scary seeing you spiral out of control like that (and sweetie we all love you and really do worry)... no one wants their Lohan taken away... what would we talk about? Britney? Please, it's too easy. No, while obviously we didn't want you weaving down Sunset at 2 am, putting all of our (read: my) lives at stake, it wouldn't do to have you out of the picture entirely either. Alas, with a tear in our eyes and a decline in the drug market, we watched you go.

And then you kind of did it. Even I, one of the biggest skeptics of your dedication to being "sober" - by which I mean even just sober enough to pass for sober - was kind of shocked by how good you seemed to be doing. You were white water rafting, you gained a couple of (much needed) pounds... you PICKED A PUMPKIN! You were on your way back to being... well, not crazy. Plus, I usually think blonde is your worst look, but your hair just looks really awesome right now, and you can't argue with that. Then, to top it off you(r publicist) set up some really effective paparazzi photos of you with your dad and like... standing it the woods and stuff, and you looked happy, and here's the key to this whole thing... people really want you to be happy. They really do, and so if you try to tell us you're happy and healthy, we are going to do everything in our power to believe you. And so when these pictures got posted... well, people were ready to be convinced, and you pulled it off. I mean... look how good you look:

You look hot. Those pants you're wearing in the first pic are way too long (which is why I chose the cropped picture), but that aside, you're lookin' all sorts of cute.

So now you're back. You're working on some movie where you're going to tango with
this guy (who is either pretty dishy or really old looking depending on the picture and whose trivia fact is "owns a scooter"), and which I am all ready to get excited about. As I said, your hair looks awesome. You're a little orange, and in these pictures: looking a little scrawny again... but for the most part, loving it. Keep whoever did your extensions in the picture, for real. OH GOD I just googled it and apparently it was Ken Paves.

And then came this Riley guy. I don't want to be too judgemental. And I know that you write everything like you're writing a text message, too... and from your multiple letters that I must assume are written from your blackberry, I can infer, and even accept because I love you, that grammar and composition are not priorities with you, for yourself or your partner. So ok. I won't even talk about the fact that he seems like kind of a moron, and that he wears wu-tang shirts like every other day (which, I love wtc as much as the next person, but that's a little outdated and weird, and if not that then at least annoying in its lack of variety, so maybe I shouldn't be excusing it... but I am). But he's not really even cute. And you're taller than him, at least in heels, which makes you equatable with... well, anyone who's dated Tom Cruise, but not in the good "Nicole Kidman is beautiful and a great actress" kind of way, and more in the "that's so sad I wonder if Katie Holmes has been brainwashed" kind of way. And that's not where you want to be, Linds. Plus he was engaged... and... well, ok, RUMOR has it that you fucked him in a stairwell. A stairwell at rehab, Lindsay? That's not classy. I am choosing not to believe it, because I just can't. Oh... but see what you've done to me? A part of me really can believe it. Because you've done some crazy shit, and now you've gotten me all twisted over some rumor that is probably/hopefully complete fabrication. Sigh. And now I guess you may be engaged? But you totally pulled that with... oh god I can't even remember who you were dating when you did that... I guess probably Harry Morton, because it wasn't Wilmer... but anyways I think you just like to fuck with people by wearing a diamond ring around... and also, while you're clearly a little desperate for male attention, and you can't write coherently, I really don't think you're an idiot, and I definitely don't think you're dumb enough to get engaged to some dude (I was going to follow this with "who... etc etc" but I've decided to just leave him as "some dude" because in 3 weeks that's what he'll be again and we can all stop reading his ex-fiance's myspace, hmm?) Also, I guess you were drunk this weekend.

Lindsay... your existence makes me so happy sometimes, and sometimes you're just too much to take. I don't know. I'd really like for you to wash your party pants, put 'em on and get out there so that you can do more hilarious stuff that I can hear about. Maybe you should hire a driver first. Maybe you should do slightly less coke. Maybe, if you must keep doing copious amounts of coke, you should not yell and get in fights with the shady dealers in alleys. I will grant these things. But beyond that... you're hardly fooling anyone, at this point - the weird boyfriend and the obsessive tanning has insured that - so maybe you should just embrace the crazy and stop trying to hide. Because we love you.

telling the truth but no one believes me

you may think you know the people you work with, but you probably don't.

Monday, July 30, 2007

lunchables are delicious

I’m watching the smurfs a lot. I like it… kids shows are simple. There’s a simple plot line… the bad guy has a plan against the good guy, he starts to execute it, the good guys are in trouble and it’s looking rough for them, but then! They have a plan. And ta-da they save the day. And Gargamel gets some seeweed or something catapulted onto his head and he’s sitting all messy in a stream and he says “rats!!” and his cat looks all wet and sad, and all the smurfs laugh and hug and go watch smurfette shower. Or whatever, do smurf things. But the point is… the difference is that in adult movies, there’s the same initial plotline, but then there’s always the twist… before the last part, where justice prevails. Adults expect the twist, because everybody knows that nothing is that simple. You never just get what you want and need right away. If I want to appeal a parking ticket (which is sort of, obviously, just trying to get them to like me enough to make it half as much or something), it’s not like I just get to walk in to some courthouse and sit down with a judge. I’m sure there are at least 5 different calls and being on holds and whatever. And it’s frustrating. And obviously that’s not exactly like in all the bourne movies that all have the same plot (and don’t people get bored with that? Bourne wins (SPOILER))… You’re not going out and shooting down half the (European city)’s police force in order to protect yourself (when, really if you think about it is not that heroic… I mean yeah, tough, you got brainwashed but is your memory really worth these 500 or so deaths in these movies? I don’t know)… but it’s just the general knowledge that things don’t always just go in the “right” way… justice doesn’t just prevail out of nowhere. But when you’re little… you don’t know that. To kids it’s like, if you “be good” and love your parents and don’t throw mashed potatoes on the floor, then you have endless possibilities, and if your older brother hits you then your dad will yell at him and give you ice cream, and then you’ll watch the snorks, and the snorks will defeat some big crab and then get ice cream, and justice will prevail, and that’s how it is. And that’s just awesome. Every episode of these shows I watch, I’m watching the early side characters, trying to predict which of them is going to turn on the smurfs/snorks/popples/etc. later in the episode. But they never do. And that’s awesome… so I’m trying to think like a smurf.

I really wish South Park was on.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

I have dreams of orca whales and owls

this was on my myspace a while ago but I liked it.

So I don't think I'm going to do a good job explaining this, and this might be really dumb, but I am wondering about language today. Like... here's the example that triggered this: in developing countries, or whatever, countries that do not have big cities and commerce in the sense that we do (I do not like to judge others - it is probably a better life sometimes when you are living in a smaller community, so why demean that lifestyle by calling it "undeveloped"?) - anyways, in those countries, do they have a word for mimes? Like... I would imagine that there are entire countries where no mime has ever been present... because mimes are kind of lame and weird and why would that occur to someone? And it's not just mimes, there are many things like this, where I'm sure it just is not a part of many societies... and I understand that language forms, as new things come in to a society they will integrate it and whatnot... but so what happens if suddenly a mime wanders in? what do they call it? What if suddenly there is a huge migration of mimes!?!? They can't just continuously describe them... like, call them "people who don't talk and are kind of weird and lame"... so eventually they have to make a word. And I guess in the case of mimes they would have to just make something up completely randomly, because mimes cannot talk and so can't tell people what they are called, so I guess they weren't a very good example, but go with me here. So going off that, what happens when a community gets the internet (because eventually everyone will)? Suddenly, there are thousands of new ideas and things that just didn't exist (to the people in that community), and now they do. How does language accommodate that kind of influx of ideas?

This is why the internet will bring about a global language. Because when there is that much new information coming in, and when it is written and explained at your fingertips, the only way to handle it, really, is to just use the word you initially see it described as. This will probably be English, I guess, which is sort of unfortunate... more people speak Chinese.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

marlboro lights

I just want to talk for a living.

money can't buy you

as an actress cutting your hair is like giving up.