Friday, November 30, 2007

lindsay lohan is single

Open letter to all the people who wrote negative reviews of Pauly Shore is Dead:

Ok. I don't know what you people are talking about.

You're all reviewing it as though he's trying to be funny... like it's so slapstick that it's over the top and that's why it seemed depressing, because it was so depressingly not funny... that's what YOU'RE thinking. But the movie completely meta'd itself by having pauley talk about wanting to be a more serious actor, and this was his first attempt at making "real", work. This was pretty heart wrenching at times, and he did a pretty good job. And yeah, part of the time he was hilarious and was doing the weasel bit, but that's because his character was supposed to be acting like the weasel ironically, and he melded it well with his character, which I have to believe is a far reach from him in some ways and exactly like him in others...

I guess you can look at it from whatever perspective you want and if you're a huge biodome fan that wore a lot of flannel or drank a lot of jaeger (not that either of these things is negative... I love jaeger. And flannel), I can see why this movie might not appeal to you, because that's not what you're looking for when you flip on a pauly shore movie... and that's what I thought for a lot of the time I was watching it, it's pretty impossible to get past it... but I guess you just have to see it as Pauly evolving.

Beyond that, the movie was hilarious and filled with ridiculous celebrities. Kurt Loder? Hilarious. Exactly what has crossed your mind but you've banished the thought immediately. Michael Madsen, Mark McGrath, Tom Sizemore, Kaeto Kaelin... some of the best points.

some quotes...

(phone rings)"Aww... it's fuckin' hendrix, he wants his pokemon cards back."

"Oh look, it's Tom Sizemore"
"No you idiot that's Michael Madsen."
"What's the difference?"
"Six inches."

(phone rings)"Ah shit... it's marilyn she wants her dildo back"

There is also a hilarious exchange between pauly and Mark McGrath on a mini golf course. You really have to see it, I tried to find the quote on the internet but everyone hates this movie. That's because everyone is lame.

The entire thing is so biting and so unexpected and so gut twisting and sarcastic and heartfelt, which almost seems impossible... everyone else may hate this movie... don't believe the hype. Pauly Shore is Dead. Do it.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

britney's not pregnant

some of my friends are in this... and it's hilarious.

'nuff said.

ron loves hermione

Jenah from Americas Next Top Model is awesome, I want to hang out with her, plus she's gorgeous. She's been my favorite since day 1 and I thought I didn't like the blonde that much, cuz it made her look too generic and a little like Caridee in pics (and you KNOW they won't pick people who look alike 2 years in a row) but now she's really rocking it. Also, I like her teeth... as weird as that sounds. I hope she wins. HERE'S HER PICTURE!

Gorgeous. Also, she's only 18 (and like I must say about almost every tv personality that I mention, probably too young for me too want to hang out with this bad), but she comes off as older. I'm pretty sure we'd be best friends, or she'd think I was super annoying, but either way I'd think she was dope.

fuck the east coast, Jenah, come to la and be my hot friend.

Friday, November 23, 2007

buffy loves angel

Against Me! is in Tegan and Sara's top friends.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

feel better mary-kate!

and happy thanksgiving to Britney, let me know if you want somone to take shots of Wild Turkey with you. I'M SERIOUS YOU'RE AWESOME.

Hot Canadians: Cassie Steele

Hooray! My first Degrassi cast member!!!

Cassie Steele, if any of you POSSIBLY don't know in which case you hate good television, is Manny on Degrassi. She fucking rocks. I will do my best to summarize her tv life for you, but it's from memory so don't hate if I leave something out. Also, I'm sorry if it gets a little long, if you don't want the background skip to the next paragraph.

Manny is best friend with Emma since forever, she used to be kind of nerdy because she was really little and, well, Emma was nerdy, and she hung out with JT and Toby and Liberty... this is the central underclass group of friends. She has very overbearing parents, or I guess just her dad but her mom never helps. She has been in love with Craig since he showed up in the early seasons as a transfer student with an abusive father (we'll get to that in Jake Epstein's eventual post... hot.). She decided to rebel in I believe 9th grade and started dressing super hot, because she is, culminating in the thong incident. Then everyone wanted her, she wanted Craig. She had a brief flirtation with Spinner, I believe before she started hooking up with Craig by seducing him once, and then again at a rave, and they started regularly cheating on his current GF, Ashley. Craig told Manny had broken up with Ashley after a while, even though he hadn't, abd then he was then when she found out he was lying, he told her the same thing again... and was lying again. Craig is sort of a douche. BUT THEN Manny was pregnant, and Craig got really excited because he's kind of nuts and desperate for affection because of the whole dad thing and him being bipolar, and so he wanted to keep it and like start a family, but she didn't and got an abortion because, well, they're 16.Then (I think) she had a brief flirtation with Spinner, causing a major rift with him and Paige. Those last 4 things may be all out of order, I've never watched it straight through. Oh, but after the Craig thing, everyone for NO GOOD REASON just started thinking Manny was a huge slut and being really mean to her... because as she says to JT when he wants to ask her to the dance but almost doesn't because Spinner says she's a slut, Craig was the one cheating on HIS girlfriend, but no one ever talks about that,do they? I'm pretty sure I just directly quoted Degrassi from memory. NICE. But she goes with JT and they kind of date for a second but then break up because he gets really insecure after she sees his penis in the hot tub (JT is not well endowed it's a running joke.) Then there's a little break in Manny drama, but the next season when she's gotten all hot and shit she starts seriously pursuing her dream of being an actress, but an agent calls her fat and the wrong body type (partially because entertainment is cruel, partially because of the HEINOUS outfit she wears, and partially because that agent is a moron), and so Manny gets upset and wants to get a boob job but her parents find out and kick her out of the house and she gets really drunk and shows peter (the new guy who Emma likes but who wants Manny, who Manny won't go out with because Emma likes him so now he's pissed and, as we find out he is a SLIME) her boobs at a party and he films it and sends it to the whole school. She moves in with Emma and lives there for a while. This chronology may be really screwed up. Anyways... later she is still with Craig and he is a musician and he comes back and is on coke and she tries it and is HILARIOUS but then realizes that he loves drugs more than her and she totally faces him and it's her most awesome episode ever. THEN after JT dies she starts trying to help mend the fences between Degrassi and Lakehurst and kind of dates Damien who is their student council president, but it doesn't go anywhere because of the whole school war and whatnot, plus this season him not wanting the schools to unify. Oh yeah and throughout the whole early part she's a cheerleader, the choreographer and obviously the best one, who has a huge like nemesis relationship with Paige, the head cheerleader, hence the hitting on Spinner and breaking her leg kind of intentionally when Kevin Smith was visiting. Oh and now she's super punk and cool and just turned 18 and brought Jay as her date and FINALLY convinced her dad to let her act. GOT ALL THAT? Jeez. I am going to have to do this for every character. I'm so pumped.

ANYWAYS so that's what I have for you about Manny right now, but we're here to talk about Cassie, who seems just really awesome. She's far more interesting and hardcore seeming than the show she's on would have you predict, she has a pierced nose and her hair is ever changing. Also, she's a singer, and I have to say pretty good. Here's a video of her doing one of her songs, look how cute she is!

I was facebook friends with her for like a month before the degrassi people all went private or deleted... I'm not sure they realize how much people love them... but anyways she had lots of picture she takes at her computer, which I think is endearing... here's one:
that's her room in the background... she is surprising. Her music career seems to be really going somewhere which is very cool... I always go on her myspace to request that she do a show in Los Angeles, but it seems like those kids rarely leave Toronto except for events in New York... but someday it'll happen.

So the vital stats: she was born in 1989 making her way too young to want to hang out with her this bad. She's been on Degrassi since it started. She's a regular guest star on The Best Years, and is great and completely different that Manny, and it's nice to see that range in her. She's obviously gorgeous. Pretty much she kicks the most ass on Degrassi (even though I am reluctant to declare her my favorite character, as I'm a little obsessed with some of the others as well.)

You should download her music, watch degrassi, and find out all "aboot" Cassie Steele. See what I did there.

you better slow your mustang down

If you're into someone who's in a band but you meet them in a setting separate from their music, what' the appropriate reaction to their band? "I love you guys!!!"? "who?" or just "oh... cool..." (but they will ask what you think of them, eventually, and THEN what?) There's so much etiquette, especially in more artistic scenes... don't act like you know people are famous, but don't ask who they are if they're really famous, they're not retarded... wear designers clothes to their fashion shows and events... DONT wear a band's t-shirt to their concert, that's tacky... it's hard to keep up. I need hollywood scene finishing school.

points: pilgrims

So I was watching todays (VERY welcome) Rock of Love marathon, and I was thinking... the thing about dating reality shows is that with women, it's easy. If you put a bunch of pretty women who are not super bright in the same place with a guy, they will compete and so they all will want him. On top of that, if there's a prize (which there always is) or the guy is famous or rich (which they always say he is), women are masters at justifying that no, they see past that, they're REALLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM... it's always purely shallow, but women can really make themselves believe it, they WILL fall in love with this man. So, automatically, you have great tv, and the characters are sympathetic because you know they really think that this is real.

Men are not that easy. I mean, the girls they get for reality shows are obviously chosen because they are girls guys want, and they are girls that can get guys to be way into them... at the same time, men are not just falling in love willy-nilly... if it were that easy, then there wouldn't be all those girls on the other reality shows trying to find love... so when guys are competing for a girl, that's what it is... they're competing with eachother, and guys get off on that so they go hard. But for the most part, it's a lot harder to buy that all these guys are IN LOVE with this girl, and so the characters seem a lot less sympathetic... so I guess in that case, the one you're supposed to feel empathy with is still the girl. Because in the end if someone gets their heart broken in REAL life, and not just for tv, it will probably be her. Because she has to pick, and they're probably faking.

The obvious exception being Tila Tequila, but that's because guys who fall in love with her are internet weirdos and perverts... so I consider that an independent variable that does not effect my hypothesis as it is not in the testing set. YAY SCIENCE!

thoughts on tonight's tv...

ANTM... When they got to the "tour", how much was Lisa sweating? Was that sweat? Because it was pretty obvious and excessive, I'm surprised the producers didn't have her change... When they got to the commercial shoot why wasn't Shantal carrying a bag? Did someone carry her stuff for her?... It really pissed me off that Bianca didn't do the challenge. Dude it's season 8 (?) and in about 7 they've had to be high up, did you not see this coming? Cowboy up... I like Heather, but her commercial was pretty pathetic... Tyra's going crazy, y'all...But god Lisa was getting annoying, good riddance... I miss Victoria she was so cute, and I love Jena but I see what they're saying...

Project Runway... There was no way they'd cut Christian he's the best "character" they have because that other lady... Alisha? I don't know... is too annoying and spacey to be the likable one, and they're the two with the most prominent personalitites so far. There is no one even close to replacing Daniel Vosovic or Michael Knight yet... But really Christian's outfit was good it was just the styling that was off... lose the belt and put her hair down and give her some earrings and its definitely not 80's anymore... I love Victoria's dress though I hope I can buy it.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

dream a little dream for me

So this girl's fun...

Her name's Sophie Anderton, and she's a famous supermodel. Also, in her downtime, a coke whore. Soooo awesome. I can't write anything much better than what the actual article says, because it's pretty awesome... she satirizes herself better than I think anyone could intentionally... so I'll summarize.

+ she hates kate moss and calls her "a fucking nightmare" and also made such a sexual disgusting slur about her that an article printing naked pictures of this girl doing coke felt it was too much to print... AWESOME.
+ she bought coke, tried to sell some to the undercover guy doing the story, did lines in front of him, and talked about how she does it all the time
+ kept talking about different sexual acts and how much she charges for them... she'll hit you for extra, and she's down for threesomes, FYI... and it's 10,000 pounds for a night with her. DONT WORRY it's only because she's buying a house and things are tight right now.
+ she fully stripped down and was ready to have sex with the reporter. That's hilarious.

Way to have the WORST POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER with an undercover reporter. Ever. There is seriously little she could do to make herself look worse.

This girl is like Britney with less class, less fan base and way less reason to be sympathetic or understanding. This is like... well, it's hilarious. This is the definition of trainwreck. I kind of love it. Anyways... the whole article is here... and here's a picture of her doing a line!!!


Monday, November 12, 2007


only 1460 days 'til 11/11/11... get pumped.

and hey look Lindsay Lohan's back in on the cobrasnake action...


Thursday, November 8, 2007


is this serious??????

I can't even tell... I hope it is... because I think it may be the most effective advertising I've seen... probably ever. And it's because it's using the negatives of the product. GENIUS. I actually have a cough. I'm buying this tomorrow. GOD WHY is this SO AWESOME?

"It tastes terrible. It works great."

The commercials aren't on youtube, but here's a joke one, I think...

You have to see the real commercials. That quote above is actually their slogan. This is the most genius shit ever.

wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with

Architecture in Helsinki is so fucking dope.

They were at the Troubadour this week, they were awesome.

If you like this song, you should check out the Dr. Dog cover too... it's on myspace, it's completely different but still completely awesome.

Sam from AIH signed my poster.

music is my hot hot sex

This quote was just on 30 Rock:
"When I die, they will put my face on money. That is, if there were money in the future, instead of just hugs."

so true, David Schwimmer... so true.

Also... the Los Feliz public library computer room seems to be a shrine to Leonardo DiCaprio. There are 4 posters. 2 for Titanic, 1 for The Beach, and 1 for The Aviator. This may be the most hilarious and random thing I have ever seen. However, this has also increased my appreciation of my neighborhood by at least a billion points.

Oh. And.

I don't think I like Tell Me You Love Me, but I'm in love with Palek. This is him...

He's amazing. I'll marry him. Like, now.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

come get your ham

I hate Emmy Rossum's song.

whatever it takes

ok... I don't know why it makes me laugh so hard when he says "dumb" but it fucking kills me. get high or something and watch for yourself:

I can't stop laughing.