Thursday, January 31, 2008

lock the cellar door

Sigh. I am exhausted and I just don't even know. I really hope Britney is okay and I just wish everything surrounding her wasn't so chaotic (see what I did there?).

On a different note, how good does Jena Malone look as a blonde?

Well played, Jena. Lookin' a tad gaunt, I'll admit, but as a card carrying girl, I don't begrudge anyone their skinny days. I hope my legs look that awesome.

LOST IS PREMIERING TONIGHT. 4 1/2 hours to go!!!!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

when the sun shines we'll shine together



Awesome. Tom Cruise is definitely either really right or in sooooo much trouble. Or some combination thereof. THIS IS SO AWESOME I LOVE MYSTERIES.


ANONYMOUS RULES! Man... I think once lost is on I'm having it countdown til February 10th I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!! Probably nothing. Let's be honest. But a girl can dream. Ummmm ok and also you know how with Guy Fawkes (the guy they're talking about in V for Vendetta) they say "remember remember the 5th of November"? WELL all these movies are called "Be very wary of the 10th of February." Really? I don't know about that... not great flow, right? But whatever, good try. GO WATCH ALL THESE VIDEOS THEY'RE CRAZY.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

celebrity deathwatch '08: place your bets

ok so I really mean this in the least cruel way possible, which is still actually pretty cruel, but I think we need to start a comprehensive list of the celebrities who may take part in this year that is destined to have a very high celeb mortality rate. I'M SERIOUS. I have known since 1/1/08 that this year was going to be one filled with tabloid filling catastrophe. SO. Here goes (with the completely dehumanizing and admittedly somewhat gross odds next to the names... which I created completely on my own, but which are based loosely on... well, the truth):

Paris (25:1)

Lindsay (15:1)
She's cleaned it up a bit, but is in no way out of the woods... we all know the crazy will re-emerge, it's just a matter of to what level.

Nicole Richie (50:1)
She's calmed down a lot with the baby, and I imagine she'll keep it pretty low-key. However, she is deathly skinny and an ex-heroin addict, so I don't see her odds getting much better than this in any year to come.

Britney (2:1)
God I hope she can pull it together, but it's definitely a possibility.

Amy Winehouse (1.5:1)
I almost made this even money and then decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she'll pull it together for Blake's sake. Or her cat's sake, because really, that cat should just call a cab and get out of there. RIGHT AMY???

Tom Cruise (10:1)
That may seem low, but with the extreme delusions of grandeur, the overexposure and the impending February 10th attack of "Anonymous"... well, it's either this or Scientology is right and he'll fly away on some spaceship to crazyville. And then won't we all be red in the face.

Mary-Kate Olsen (30:1)
Pretty skinny and already involved in a mysterious death this year, so who knows. Definitely safer than Lindsay and Paris, but not out of the game.

Jared Leto (25:1)
Def into the party scene, and so pretty that he just seems destined for a tragic end. And now that he's more musician than actor, he can pull a full on kurt cobain. A bit of a longshot but I'd take it.

Katie Holmes (10:1)
Because how long can you survive after a lobotomy, really??

Ashley Olsen (35:1)
A bit more of a long shot than her sister, but hey, it could happen. I think they party harder than we know.

Hayden Panetierre (300:1)
So squeaky clean you can see your reflection, if I have faith in any young actress making it out alive, it's her.

Zac Efron (500:1)
Probably the biggest possible longshot, I'm bettin' this kid makes it.

Sorry if this offended you, but not really. STEP RIGHT UP KIDS! PLACE YOUR BETS!

arguably the most famous

well well well, ask and you shall receive. Lindsay's back in the news, THANK GOD. Just kidding, kind of. But legit, she was seen drinking grey goose with Brody Jenner this weekend. Which isn't even remotely a big deal. I mean that she was with Brody. Because they're like... friends, or whatever, and I mean yeah she probs banged him but WHAT ELSE IS NEW? Anyways... I guess this isn't really even news or anything, but it's nice to know she hasn't become non-slutty and boring over... well, sundance, I guess. Did she go to Sundance? WHY WOULDN'T SHE GO???? All I heard about was Paris boning like everyone, but I'm sure if Linds was there we would know. Hmmmmm.

check out this fuckin' nutso outfit... I almost love how much is going on, but somehow it just misses the mark and gets into Bai Ling-level weirdness. The bag is SO huge. The lining of the coat is SO ugly. Her shoes are not boots nor shoes! Her hair looks great though. And hey... gum!

Anyways, stuff's boring, I want to hang out with Britney, 2 DAYS 'TIL LOST! I could just vomit with anticipation. In a good way.

Listen to Vampire Weekend, THEY'RE GREAT.

Monday, January 28, 2008

what seems to be the problem officer? what's the charge?

I'm a little confused about Super Grover. Is he super or isn't he? I mean... everyone clearly thinks of it as a joke, they're all exasperated, "oh grover!".... and he tries to bend the bars of a cage and it's clearly ridiculous. But then... I mean, he's not just pretending to be flying, you know, because... well, he's in the air and moving, so... flying.

I think maybe super grover deserves a little more respect.

afterthought: this is similar to the "is Hobbes alive or isn't he" paradigm
after-afterthought: I'm not sure I'm using "paradigm" right in that context.

OK, Anonymous, enough kidding around


I hope we're not all going to die. But I'm pretty sure we are. ESPECIALLY SCIENTOLOGISTS THEY'RE GOING TO DIE THE MOST.

No but seriously... whoever's behind this is a genius. I hope it's a presidential candidate. I'd vote for them. Meh, unless it was Romney.

Friday, January 25, 2008

here's hoping juno wins a billion oscars yay ellen page

Thursday TV musings...

I don't know, Project Runway... denim?? But alright. Heidi looked faaaaaantastic this episode, and really, isn't that what matters? But GOD. Drool over Rami a little more, Nina. Seriously. That was pathetic.

HOLY HELL WHERE IS A SONIC???? Do they really exist? WHY do the commercials make it look soooooo good and I CAN'T HAVE IT???!!! Is this a mind game? OH GOD wouldn't that be a great idea? To make up something really appealing and run ads for it and it just DOESN'T EXIST? Wow. Anyways... Sonic is the matrix.

The theme song for the new Gauntlet is so mean... "15 minutes of fame" repeated over and over, basically. Haha I mean it's hilarious and true... being on a real world/road rules challenge is about on par with being on Flavor of Love, but less contemporary and more disappointing. Don't worry, I'm still watching it.

where the hell is lindsay?

This has been floating around the past couple weeks. It's weird.

I, Robot much??? TECHNOLOGY WILL KILL US ALL, PEOPLE. It's a tale as old as time. Or... at least as old as technology... I guess. Whatever, this is still fucking scary and also I wish I'd thought of making it. I mean... pretty low-budget, right? Do macs still come with that talking computer program thingy? Because otherwise these people seriously need to upgrade.

one thing leads to another

Sooooo like 75% of the people who look at this are finding it by searching for Cassie Steele (Manny from Degrassi, duh), because people think she's hot, because she is. SO. I found this on YouTube, hope it helps!!! It's kind of terrible quality but it's better than any of the other ones I found.

Sooooo here for you.

secretary of lookin' good

Could have been better if he'd laughed, but I still love him. Good stuff.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Does Britney use the internet? If not, that's... weird? If so... HEY BRIT! Supposedly you were outside an elementary school today, just sort of hanging out before everyone got all crazy when they saw you, and asked some random girl for her number and said you don't have many friends. WELL. I will be your friend... seriously your friend, I will not sell any pictures of you, I will listen to you and care what you say, I will let you borrow my clothes if you want to, I'll burn effigies of K-Fed or whoever you don't like with you... WHATEVER YOU WANT. LET'S HANG OUT.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Hot Canadians: You Say Party! We Say Die!

HOORAY FOR CANADA! So, You Say Party! We Say Die! is a band from Vancouver. Here's their myspace!!! They've been around for a while, I believe they released their 3rd album last year, called Lose All Time. I really like the Monster and Opportunity, check 'em out.

Here they are!!!

Can't argue with that, huh?

They classify themselves as Dance-Punk, which I like. They're pretty electro/indie/awesome, and I like that, as a quintet, there's a wide range of sounds that they can cover. They're on Paper Bag Records, the same label as Tokyo Police Club... they just got signed in 2007, which is very exciting... they were supposed to do a US tour a couple of years ago but it got cancelled because they couldn't get visas (which, really, United States? Lame.). Anyways, I have a lot less information than I'd like, but they're pretty great and they're getting pretty huge, so hopefully soon they'll be big enough that the US will have to cave and allow us all to "get our dance on"... which I'm pretty sure should be in a law somewhere.

Here's a video. It's weird. And awesome.

pretty much cements the awesome in your mind, eh? You Say Party! We Say Die!: probably the only Canadians our government is afraid of. And I mean that in a very pro-canadian way.

you make me smile please stay for a while now

Several sites are posting these, but bbc has an article with some friends' comments on Heath Ledger... here are a few.

"Heath has touched so many people on so many different levels during his short life but few had the pleasure of truly knowing him. He was a down to earth, generous, kind-hearted, life-loving, unselfish individual who was extremely inspirational to many."
Heath Ledger's father Kim

"It is tragic that we have lost one of our nation's finest actors in the prime of his life. Heath Ledger's diverse and challenging roles will be remembered as some of the great performances by an Australian actor."
Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd

"Working with Heath was one of the purest joys of my life. He brought to the role of Ennis more than any of us could have imagined - a thirst for life, for love, and for truth, and a vulnerability that made everyone who knew him love him. His death is heartbreaking."
Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee

"I adored him. I don't know how to compare his talent to others but he's touched me deeply as a talent and it's a great loss - losing him at any age would be a loss but it was pretty rough news. I was really shocked by it."
John Travolta

"I had such great hope for him. He was just taking off and to lose his life at such a young age is a tragic loss. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family."
Mel Gibson

"What a terrible tragedy. My heart goes out to Heath's family."
Nicole Kidman

"I am shocked and very saddened by the news. I deeply respected Heath's work and always admired his continuing development as an artist. My thoughts are with his family and close friends."
Cate Blanchett

"I think Tennyson got it right in the poem when he described someone as having died at a young age but burning the candles at both ends, and oh what a beautiful flame he made, that was Heath, what a beautiful flame he made and a great talent. My heart goes out to everyone in his family and my family. The saddest thing is his daughter whom he just loved dearly."
Larry Williams - ex-partner Michelle Williams' father

And, to remember him in my own way, here he is in (to me) his most memorable role:

I'm going to be done talking about this after this posting, because there's only so much that can be said before it becomes speculation, which I see as being pretty disrespectful considering that I did not know Heath personally and have no grounds on which to judge him, and while that never stops me, it does in this case because this whole thing is really sad. Anyways... it's clear that he was well respected by his colleagues, peers and friends. He was a phenomenal actor who was clearly a very devoted father to Matilda. I find it unfortunate and a little atrocious that there is video on the internet of his body being brought out of the building - sometimes a line needs to be drawn. So... again, RIP Heath, and true condolences to all who knew him well.

mr. tangerine speedo

The debate on Monday got a liiiiittle bit intense. The candidates are firing up, it's close on both sides, and MAN is it important. LESS THAN TWO WEEKS 'TIL SUPER TUESDAY KIDS START PAYING ATTENTION.

ummmmmmm Obama '08.

I need a lover that won't drive me crazy

Brit Brit went to her deposition, and is requesting supervised visitation rights with Sean Preston and Jayden James. In other news, she still thinks she's British, but only sometimes, and she loves frappucinos!

OH YEAH And K-Fed is guest starring on One Tree Hill, which I never watch but obviously am now because I flipped past it and came to an immediate halt, with a screech and a "popozao"... he's pretty decent. And singing. Good job?


I am fucking serious. This is disgusting.

If they picket they should be shot. What fucking bigoted morons.
There's a phone number, you should probably harass the shit out of them. Go fucking "good person" all over their asses.

Fuck you, Westboro Baptist. Show a little respect. I hope someone burns your douchebag church down.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

RIP Heath Ledger... wow.

Heath Ledger is dead(?!?). He was found dead in his apartment this morning. He is 28, he has a daughter with Michelle Williams, and he is (was) a faaaantastic actor. This is really weird and shocking... Apparently so far no sign of foul play. More details to follow? I guess?

Is Mercury in fucking retrograde or something? What the hell is going on??? I don't like writing "RIP" posts... this is a really tragic week so far... wow I'm legitimately pretty upset.


WEIRD UPDATE: So apparently Heath was found in Mary-Kate Olsen's apartment in New York, not his own. She was not there, she is in Los Angeles. This is weird, but I guess they are probably friends or something? Here's the article. I really think this might be a lie, because... well, why would it be true?

Updates as I get 'em.

WEIRD UPDATE NUMERO DOS: I guess it wasn't Mary-Kate's apartment. So where did that come from? It seems to have been an accident, or at least that's what they're reporting. His body was removed from the building around 3:30 today (LA time, obvs). This is so sad. Here is a picture of him, shooting his new movie, taken a couple days ago.

Everyone seems pretty upset about this, the coverage is INSANE, especially out of Australia. All the best wishes to Michelle Williams and Matilda.

Get it together, celebs.

MUSINGS/UPDATE NUMERO TRES: So... right before Oscar time... I wonder if he'll get a bigger montage than all the people whose deaths weren't so untimely. I wonder if he'll get a bigger montage than Brad Renfro. I bet he will. I know that's kind of fucked up to think about. No disrespect meant.

I will be your father figure

drugs, drugs, druggy-drug-drugs... any word looks weird if you write it enough times in a row. Anyway, Amy Winehouse is a crackhead... IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

Hilarious. I don't give a shit, really, if she wants to do drugs. I hope she doesn't get arrested, I still haven't seen Rehab live.

Cracked out update: Amy's in rehab... again... I BET IT WORKS THIS TIME. No, that was sarcasm.

Shoot-it-update: AAAAAAAND she's not in rehab. No. No. No.

Monday, January 21, 2008

everyone should have a favorite beatle

This is Hannah. She is my favorite "Bad Girl".

She's kind of a bitch. She's got a really thick Brooklyn accent. She laughs ALL THE TIME. She is pretty cute. Honestly, she's said way less than anyone else on the show, but I just really think she's hilarious... I love the way her and Neveen just sort of laugh and hang out and do nothing ALL THE TIME and just follow Tanisha around, while she fights with the "other team" of girls. I guess Neveen's fought a little too, when Darlen started talking shit. But not Hannah. I think she's a sleeper cell in the house.

I like Neveen and Jenavecia too... and Cordelia, she's the prettiest in the house, even though it doesn't look like it in the pictures on the site... but I like her because she's entertaining, as a person she's definitely the worst in the house.


celebrity deathwatch '08... this time it's serious.


10 days 'til Lost OH MY GOD I could die.

honest to blog?

In what legit may be some of the best news... well, ever, but definitely of 2008... are you ready? Kristen Cavallari is coming back into our lives, joining the cast of The Hills.

I shouldn't NEED to explain how exciting this is, but I will. I love this girl. She is why Laguna Beach was awesome, she is WAY hotter than anyone who is currently on the Hills (yes, Audrina too), which leads to WAY more drama because EVERY guy is in love with her. Although I believe she's like living with Nick Zano... which makes me even more curious about in what capacity she's going to be on the show... because I'm assuming, as I think most people are, that she's going to be there to be Lauren's rival, as in shows past. HOWEVER. If they are simply adding her and making part of the show just about her and her life, not necessarily intersecting with LC's life... well, then, MTV has just granted everyone's wish (or, mine), because, while I looooove the hills, Spencer and Heidi make me want to choke someone and Lauren's a little underconfident, no? And Audrina... well, I saw Justin Bobby in person, and yeah, he's hot, but COME ON. And, above all else, Kristen is awesome. Suuuure she fucked with Talon and Stephen a little, but they're sort of dumb, especially when it comes to her, and when you have that much power over people, especially in high school, it's nearly impossible not to take advantage, so... well, I don't hold it against her.

I AM SO EXCITED. I fucking love Kristen. She is in my top 3 LB characters, and my fave of the main ones (I REALLY want "Kristen's friend Alex" to get a show... or to be my best friend, even though she's way younger than me... last time we saw her she'd gotten all grunged out and dyed her hair dark and came back to have lunch with Jessica, the whiny baby, and I just fell in tv love all over again). Kristen has OPINIONS... like, in a way that nobody currently on the hills seems to be able to manage... plus, I mean really, the girl is gorgeous and you can't argue with that. GOD, who needs writers when we're gonna have this chick back in our lives.

TV is about to get soooo good.

I need a little fabulous is that so wrong

Hmmmmmmm this is troubling.

At least she seems pretty calm? At least now I can be sure how Adnan is pronounced? At least she's clothed? At least she's cooler than Jamie-Lynn? At least her skin looks pretty great? At least it's obviously a faked accent, so we know that she hasn't actually been taken over by some British body-snatcher?

I don't know. I don't know if there's any upside to this. Besides, I suppose, pure entertainment value... but that's not really what I'm looking for from Brit these days... poor thing. I don't know.

Friday, January 18, 2008

horse with no name

Lindsay's back and lookin' foxy

And also a little high???


God her hair always looks so great. I think this is the same dress she's worn before... but it was rainbow, and each strip was a different color.

It's that one but all in black. I am 99.8% sure of this.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

RIP Brad Renfro

Brad Renfro died Tuesday.

Stuff he was in includes The Cure, Ghost World, Bully, Sleepers, Tom & Huck (with JTT!) and the Client, plus a lot of more serious stuff later that I didn't see. He still has a movie coming out, that's sort of creepy. They don't know if it was drugs, it probably was. Sad stuff, he was 25 years old.

Also, I guess Britney was shopping for pregnancy tests... but we all know how she likes to play the paparazzi so who knows if that means anything.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Ashlee Simpson dyed her hair

I don't know who Katie Holmes hired, but she looks awesome lately, and it's about time.

She has great shoulders. I don't even love this dress, but all around lately, she's been killing it, and plus the more she looks like suri the cuter both of them become. You have to think about how crazy everyone thinks they are, and then look at how awesome Suri still manages to be... that's pretty impressive. Cutest kid in Hollywood goes to Joey and Maverick... I would say that's unpredictable but I guess it's not.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I don't like your girlfriend

Nicole Richie baby was born! Her name is RIDICULOUS. So pretentious and weird. Harlow Winter Kate Madden... that's our new baby. I like Harlow. I like Winter. I'm whatever about Kate, but it's low key so that's nice. One of the first two has to go though... and it's a tough choice, it is, and I guess they're just thinking that later they can decide which seems more appropriate and that can just be their "nickname" or whatever, I never get why people go by their middle name.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

believe in the spaghetti monster

I'm not going to look it up, but I think the band in the credit report website thing commercial is Wheatus... you know, who did teenage dirtbag? maybe. Hmmm... I'm less sure as I write it. But hey, maybe.

barack the vote

Whenever someone gets way ahead in the polls, the opposite comes true because the less enthusiastic portion of that majority gets cocky and then gets lazy and then doesn't turn out to vote. Polls are a curse. I guess, unless you're the underdog.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Missed Connection

Craigslist is pure gold.

where's my pot?

ugh, i can't believe I was so drunk u showed me the door to your apartment because you were afraid I was going to vomit all over your ugly ass bathroom floor? I wasn't going to sleep with you anyway though, so I'm not upset about it. I'm irritated I got so drunk (on drinks that I overpaid for) and now I have a hangover. ew. I walked like 20 minutes from your place to my car and threw up on the side of the street. real nice. then I drove home completely obliterated in the rain. but at least I passed out in my own bed. why did you kick me out of the house wearing nothing but your pink american apparel underwear? were u trying to seduce me while I was kneeling over your toilet? or were u having somebody else come over? have you never seen a 25 year old mess trying to purge digestive juices and too-strong gin tonics from his organism? Did u steal my pot? I can't find it

see for yourself here

I think the best part is it's male to male. I hope that a lot of guys are buying pink american apparel underwear now.

Friday, January 4, 2008

joel mchale is awesome

April O'Neal (the second one) is on a tax service commercial... what a sad day.

Love Letter to Britney

Okay. So here's what's happening.

Britney has had a breakdown, of sorts. I don't know the details, and neither does anyone else, but it's been said that she was not on drugs or drunk, and that she is not under arrest for anything. She is being held for psychiatric evaluation.

My take? Finally someone will help her. Finally she is in a HOSPITAL... not a rehab center aka joke... a hospital where they will be able to tell that it's not chemical dependency, it's not just a girl acting out "because she can"... this girl's had a life that would drive the sanest person crazy, and she has simply gotten to a point where she cannot handle it anymore.

Clearly the people around her in her life are unstable... her mom is obviously incompetent, a fame mongerer and does not have Britney's best interest at heart. Her friends... who are her real friends at this point? I just think that this breakdown has been coming for so long that anyone who at one point really cared about her has gotten fed up with being pushed away by her and eventually just sort of gave up.

Britney is a cultural icon and has never been a bad person... I don't really even think that's ever been an issue. What people need to try and imagine is the constant scrutiny she has been under, the stress of trying to maintain an image 24 hours a day for your entire life, the reasonable desire to break out of that at some point, when she got old enough to realize that she was missing out on life... watch some tmz videos. Those camera flashes, hundreds at a time, everywhere you go for YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. Every mistake you make touted in front of the world, and everyone has an opinion... THINK about it. You've done lame shit too... it just isn't on the cover of US Weekly.

This is a spiral that we've all been watching... and it's appalling and crazy, true, but maybe everybody should JUST. BACK. OFF.

In conclusion... All the best wishes to Britney, I really hope she can get whatever she needs at some point soon and just have a life... a life of HER own choosing.
Britney I love you. Get better. Be happy. I really believe that everything will be okay.

In honor:


real life tragedy

I am not discussing this yet, except to say that this is not funny, this is frightening and upsetting and regardless of your view of Britney I really hope that everyone can at least wish her the best.

Spare the snark in this situation... it's past that point.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Lindsay's broke? And drinking. And whoring. Hey, just repeating the facts.

Britney fully showed up for her deposition... late, but she showed, and she looked good... OH MAN MY PREDICTION IS SO GOING TO COME TRUE.


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

music is high and the lights are always low

Oh my god. LOLVogue.

It's on I could die. I LOVE LOLEverything.

I said no, no, no

I'm having an internal debate and I think it may be unsolvable. It may be a mystery that will haunt us for eternity, without an answer ever being reached. Here it is:

Which is a better song (aka probs the best song in the universe): Umbrella or Smack That?

SEE? SEE???? It's a question for the ages. It's like how many licks will get you to the tootsie roll. The world may never know.

time may change me, but you can't change time

Hot Canadians: Feist


Feist, who is actually Leslie Feist, which is a pretty sick name, is our next hot Canadian. She sings the song that is now on the ipod mini or nano commercial, but which waaaayyy before that was my myspace song, and which is awesome. It is called 1234, like with commas between them, not like one thousand two hundred and thirty four. She is from Nova Scotia. She had another song that was relatively big called My Moon My Man, I think it was also in a commercial for like a phone or Target or something. ETA: Looked it up, it was a phone.

Beyond all that, she's pretty oddly gorgeous.

Models everywhere would kill for that neck.

Feist used to be in Broken Social Scene. Street cred? I think so. She was also in a band called By Divine Right, which I have never heard of. I have a hard time really thinking of her voice, which is super ethereal, in a band setting, but I guess it keeps it interesting.

She's been around for a while... this recent album was her third solo album, but the first one that got tons of attention, and now she's kind of huge. She's obviously weird, for proof see the video for 1234... it takes an odd duck to slap on that blue sequined jumpsuit, but the video's pretty awesome. HERE IT IS!

If you didn't love that song before, watch this a couple times more and I guarantee it will be one of your favorites.

How good is that picture? I wish that was a picture of me.

Feist. The Canadian pop folk singer who will change your life.

I want to love you, you young thing

Let me just put this out there:

at least Ali Lohan isn't preggers.



So let's talk about '08, mmmmkay?

First off... babies babies babies! Nicole Richie is about to burst (and has been conspicuously absent from... well, public) and I guess is having a mini-good charlotte in January. Jamie-Lynn will, we all must assume, have this child we've heard so much about. Christina Aguilera has been pregnant forever, or did she have a baby? If not, her and J. Lo are gonna be poppin' one out too. I'm really the most excited for/appalled by the Spears baby, all the others are pretty meh.
Additional things that can be guaranteed and thus looked forward to: Lindsay Lohan will bang more than a couple random dudes... this is probably already covered, let's be honest. Paris Hilton will be a huge waste of life (again, done). There will be a presidential election! VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! Lost is coming back on! Oooooh man, at least several secrets will be revealed, Sayid will be shirtless, Jack will be lame, Charlie will be dead (tear), Sawyer will dominate, Walt will still exist SOMEHOW, Locke will obviously know everything, Ben will be creepy... OH GOD GET PUMPED.

I guess that covers most of that.

Paris might die... of some std or another, or killed by the MOST SANE AND GENEROUS PERSON ON EARTH (yet to be indentified). Britney might die... in a car accident, drowning in... well, anything, really, just some random fit of insanity... it would be tragic and really life destroying (mine), but it is a possibility. Lindsay might die... in a drug overdose, in a fight with a coke dealer in a dark alley (ALLEGEDLY), in a bar brawl with Paris or some other random celebutante... definitely not by choking on food, apparently, as she's looking a bit gaunt lately.

Heroes might redeem itself. The Office might eventually come back on and continue to be awesome. Purple might become the new black. You heard it here, folks.

Britney really may pull her life together. I'm serious. I mean... everyone seems pretty into the idea of blaming her mom at this point, and I truly believe that deep down everyone wants our little pop tartlet to be our shining star again, so this presents her with a real opportunity. If she can clean up her clothing (which she's done over the past week or so), stop sleeping with randoms (and especially paparazzi stalkers), show up for court and get her kids, and make some sick music videos... I mean, she's already less of a whore moron than Jamie-Lynn, so that's a good first step right there. 2 months ago she didn't even have that, you know? So I really see this happening. Team Britney.

Jessica Simpson should stop trying to be in movies... her last one made like 1200 dollars opening weekend... that's impossibly low, stupidly sad, and a clear enough message that she should really take heed of to SHUT UP while she's ahead. People should really lay off Brit-Brit... just LAY OFF and give her a chance to clean it up. Barack Obama should be elected President of the USA. Hell. Yes. Buffy reruns should get moved to a more reasonable hour... they are at 2 am currently and that's really late to stay up just to get my Scooby Gang fix. Chad from the alltell commercials should call me. Michael Cera should be my boyfriend. Everyone should go see Juno, if you haven't yet. Lindsay Lohan should make a spectacular movie so that everyone's obsession with her is at least a little more justified... we all know she can do it, so come on, Linds... ACT! It's what keeps you in a class above the Hiltons of the world.

Overall, the year's lookin' promising. I've got a good feeling. And, if nothing else, at least we can all watch the Spears family destroy humanity as we know it, one womb at a time.

Happy New Year kids!