Monday, March 31, 2008

is your bed made? is your sweater on?



Literally one out of every 2 keywords that gets people here, as I've said before, is some combination of the following:

manny santos
thong
hot
cassie steele
boobs

So there's the video. That's the big thong scene, it was QUITE a big deal, plot developmentally, for people who really watch the show, but it's a far cry from soft core... and no, Manny has never actually showed her boobs. She "showed them" to Peter and he taped them, but it's just a show, which means there was definitely something covering her boobs, because they're not going to make a 16 yeah old reveal herself to a new castmate.... Just to save you the googling.

cheese and noodles all over the bathroom floor




why are lolcats so funny? the world may never know. or, they might know, and it might be "because they are."

paris falls down, world screeches to a halt

BIG NEWS! Paris Hilton fell down, in Prague, while she was running or something? Whatever.

ps the "big news!" was sarcastic this is stupid. I don't want to hear about it until she doesn't get back up.

happy monday

to kick off the week...

here's Christian Lander with a Star Wars mailbox!! HOLY COW!!!



Also, Dairy Queen now serves a Chocolate Covered Strawberry Waffle Cone Sundae. HOW GOOD DOES THAT SOUND? I love DQ, butterscoth dilly bars are the best.

Friday, March 28, 2008

blood for booze

so here's what my friend just said to me:

"I like that you can tell me that you picked a random blog writer to be totally inappropriately obsessed with, and that's something that seems reasonable based on your personality"

I guess that's a valid point.

around the world we don't stop

So wait, see???



That's fully a Members Only jacket. She's so awesome.
I stole the picture from The Superficial, I guess I'm supposed to say that.

2 prostitution rings 1 governor

SERIOUSLY SPITZY?

This hooker really has a lot less of the "...with a heart of gold" quality that A. Dupre has... because I'm STILL interested in her myspace, whereas I really hope that this girl is not even in my extended network.

On a side note, remember how gross 2 Girls 1 Cup was? That was only a few months ago, guys... I'm surprised I'm not STILL vomiting.

icanhasinternetzdrama?

So there's this girl, she's kind of famous or something, on the internet but also for real if you're in LA which I am so... ANYWAYS some people hate her I like her she's always been nice and she gave me cheap clothes but I guess... whatever. zomg internet drama. Regardless. She writes blogs, this post is funny, I love lolcats.

If you own any bank stocks I'd really suggest selling. take it or leave it.

kthanxbye

that's funny smart and great



That's all...

Thursday, March 27, 2008

smock smock smock smock smock

oh my god this is hilarious.

Hot Canadians: Christian Lander

Stop the presses, this just in! Christian Lander, writer of Stuff White People Like and noted posesser of a book deal, is from Toronto. Based on this fact, along with the fact that his blog is hilarious, he has unmanageable looking hair (which is endearing) and he seems just all around kind of weird and awesome, I've decided to be obsessed with him. Thus far, it's shaping up to be a good choice.

So here's what we know about Christian:
Christian Lander is from Toronto originally. He attended McGill University in Montreal for his undergrad (he studied english, like your major matters at all). I totally am looking into their grad school program (obvs, based on my love of Canada). He attended both Arizona and Indiana for grad school in communications, though it's somewhat unclear if he graduated/where he graduated from. I think maybe he still goes to Indiana? But he lives in LA. SO I GUESS NOT. He rides a bicycle in LA, where he lives with his wife, which is sort of a blow (almost kidding). The fact that he rides a bicycle a) ties him into so many of the things that he discusses on his blog, which is hilarious, I'm sure he wears north face while he drinks bottled water and talks about "going green" by riding his bike (in a not annoying way, of course), and b) means there's a decent chance he lives in my area, as that's where most of the bike crowd in LA seems to be (hippies).

Christian Lander gave this interview to Heeb Magazine (I kind of hope that's not the real name?) which is, first off, charming, and beyond that confirms that this blog has legit been around for all of 3 months. What the F, internet? Christian Lander does NOT have a Wikipedia page. Let's work to change that.

Christian Lander has under 300 friends on Facebook. However, one of these people is Alex Blagg, who used to do Blue States Lose on Gawker, and who I have to believe friended him based on his blog, unless Christian is secretly in with that whole Joel Stein/Mo Rocca/New York intellectual-hipster crowd that seems so interconnected, which I really hope is not the case. His profile is public if you're in LA, and so I totally invaded his privacy and looked at his pictures, and now I have them here for you. Suuuuch a stalker.

Here is Christian Lander looking all adorbs at some meeting or something!


Here is Christian Lander eating ramen noodles!


Here's Christian Lander looking at his iPhone while tailgaiting an Ohio State game!


There are more, and I know these aren't even ACTUALLY good pictures, but I think that makes him seem more intriguing, and this post more hilarious.

Christian Lander was recently hit by a car! And his wrist hurts! Probably because he was biking in Los Angeles. I'm just saying.

So there you have it. That's what we (I) know so far about the hot Canadian that is Christian Lander. I hope he does not hate me for stealing his pictures. Alternately, I may start a feature where I post a weekly picture of Christian Lander, for public enjoyment. Either way, he wins. Hoooraaaayyyy Christian!

cute outfits, and even cuter boys!

I just have to say I really like everything Britney is wearing here, boots to bag.



the new Elizabeth and James line is... well, god, I HATE to say this, but it's a little "meh". A little "you need to put more effort, not just more style, into this than into your wal-mart line, girls", if you know what I mean. But, it's all "okay", and the pictures are very well styled... I love the shoes that the models are wearing with almost every outfit. It's just not THAT original. The Row is rarely mind-blowing in it's originality either, but that's more focused on neutrals and clean lines and rich fabrics (like fur YAY FUR God I want a chinchilla coat...), while Elizabeth and James is a little more fun-fashiony... and, while I feel like I've been saying this about a LOT of fashion lines lately, and I guess maybe it's because not just any chick with media attention actually has the ability to start their own fashion line, regardless of whether they have the resources (though I don't think that applies here because I truly do respect the Olsens as fashion visionaries)... it's a little Wet Seal. I'M SO SORRY FOR SAYING THAT I REALLY LOVE YOU, MARY-KATE (you're alright too, Ash)... and that being said I really love the Hall Skirt and the Garbo Jacket (and the Dita Short! And I love them paired together... again, great styling for the website)... but really those items are the only ones that really are very original. The designs on the sequin items... well, it sort of looks like you just bought the pattern pre-made and made dresses out of it, and it either already had or you added sequins, but either way without the originality of the pattern it's basically just a long tank top. And some of the dresses are cute, but in kind of an "I wonder what Lauren Conrad is wearing today" sort of way. It really pains me to say these things to you. And I would, no doubt, spend my entire month's budget to own one of these dresses that I am now talking down, because of my love for all things Olsen... but I must be honest. I hurt because I love. Ummmmmm and if I could get hooked up with the fur jacket from the first season of the Row, that'd be dope. K thanx.


oh ps...
so Britney might be on Thirty Rock now. DOOOOOPE. Also, was Third Rock from the Sun really so big that we can now parody it's title for another, completely unrelated show? I know it's been a few years but that still seems weird.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

touch my body, throw me on the floor

So I watched it again and I'm fairly certain that Mariah Carey was, indeed, wearing a gold members only jacket when she performed on the Hills premier show. Let me say it again, a GOLD MEMBERS ONLY JACKET. Um, I want one. Maybe in silver?

Here she is with the whole Hills crowd because APPARENTLY I LOVE THE HILLS.



Um, Whit, you're the prettiest girl on this show, which is really saying something, and I'm a paley too so I feel you, but do SOMETHING about your legs because they're like gray. God, Mariah's so hot.

ps... so upon arrival at the event, Mariah was wearing what appears to be the EXACT same jacket, but instead of in Gold lame*, it is made of light pink pleather. Um... again, she's amazing. I want what she's having.



*like "lah-may", not "lame". get it right.

you are my fire my one desire

so check this out, Stuff White People Like, a blog that as far as I know has been around for... ummm like 20 minutes, but IRL like probably 3 months, has gotten a book deal! the dude's name is Christian Lander, and apparently he's fucking awesome, because, have you seen that site? it's hilarious. AND NOW HE HAS A BOOK DEAL. To write about stuff white people like. It's SO EASY you just have to find the opening. Man. Anyways, the book's apparently going to be HELL of cheap, so pick one up, come August, and bust a gut or 2. Congratulations dudes.

you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too

well motherfuck.

so "they", obviously meaning some mutant combination of scientists and the retards who love fishing (I mean no offense, because I actually like fishing, but I'm referring to like, those guys who are on the contests on ESPN and they win because they caught like 12 pounds of fish in a day, which I guess is okay but I mean COME ON that's not even THAT much fish, right?), have found a way to train fish to jump into nets on their own.

It's a little too euthanasia-esque for me, even though I totally don't care about fish, to the point where I didn't feed my goldfish for 5 months because "maybe it was immortal"... sorry, I'm a bad person. Also, I love sushi. But, regardless, this seems creepy, while admittedly very useful, especially if there's some sort of strike or something occuring in the fishery industry... which I kind of doubt, because I don't see fisherman as being that organized, especially if they're the kind that need LUCK to find fish, and who would benefit from this, as opposed to the big corporate boats that stick a net the size of texas in the middle of the ocean, because I'm guessing they're batting about a billion percent at catching fish that way.

eta: so I fully read the article, and I guess there's a shortage of black sea bass, or something, that this is really going to help with. THANK GOD.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I'd rather be cool than dead

WOW READY TO BE FUCKING PUMPED??

southparkstudios.com is UP AND RUNNING kids. Which means you can now, through the power of the internet, stream every single episode EVER... which is awesome, because there are a lot of good ones that don't get the replays I'd like. Plus tons of blog stuff, which is great if you can't come up with new material ever and yet still choose to have a blog (nerd). Here's a preview clip of (I think) this week's episode:



whooooo so groudbreaking south park in a blog oh yeah.
ANYWAYS... this site's actually pretty amazing, check it out kids.

I can has south parks? yes. yes you can.

it's not mean if it's hilarious

so check out this winner:



I don't know. it's weird, I'm tired. She's like French or Belgian or something. I mean, probably.

easter keg hunt

So I have a nomination for Stuff White People Like: Mariah Carey.

She performed live on MTV at the Hills premier party last night, and let me first give the woman props because this is ON MTV... I mean like EVERYTHING is fake, and despite that, this was no lip synch. Mariah went out there and did it right. She looked a little out of it and wobbly, like she's probably taking a LOT of xanax, which... well, she probably is, we all know she takes some rides on the crazy train, but you know what? WE DON'T CARE. Everyone loves Mariah! She's an institution. She's the white people's claim to "being able to sing", our match to Whitney Houston (and now with less crack!). Plus, she's brilliant. Her songs are amazing. We Belong Together instantaneously became every girl's favorite song. I LOVE MARIAH, crazy pills or no. She sounded like she had a bit of a hoarse throat, which made me even prouder of her for really singing... but at the end, when she got into belting, which is really the Mariah we all know and love - the one you get for the final chorus of the song, and she goes reeeeally high... she's amazing. She was amazing. She's like the Meryl Streep of pop music (I'm sure Madonna thought she was but YOU'RE NOT, OKAY?).

God when did this blog become so Hills-centric? Lauren looked pretty.

so I guess the lindsay sex tape is real

So last night was big for TV! First off, Britney on HIMYM. She was good! Not earth-shattering, but she was cute and charming and funny and her hair looked real. All in all, very satisfying, plus I love how much screen time they gave her... it's a little... well, I'm die hard HIMYM, and this "Stella" who he starts dating, kind of, or whatever, was referenced like 4 episodes ago ("The Platinum Rule", I know because it's on my tivo). But like, "it wasn't a date" and then that was sort of over and it totally wasn't like, "THE POINT" of the episode, or whatever... so basically they just created this extra story line to give Britney a part, to get their show some pub. GOOD CALL! If you don't watch How I Met Your Mother... well, you're stupid, and we probably couldn't be friends. Same goes for Always Sunny in Philadelphia and (though I'm more alone on this opinion) The Big Bang Theory. These shows are hilarious. WATCH THEM.

To convince you, let me tell you that the most recent eps of Always Sunny on my Tivo are called "Charlie Gets Molested", "Charlie Wants An Abortion" and "The Gang Gets Racist". WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? I want to be like Dee.

I've bought a LOT of clothes lately. Most recently: this winner, because I gotta represent. Also I bought a dress that I later saw a picture of Heidi* wearing it so now it reminds me slightly of vomiting. But it's pretty so I'll wear it anyways.


*please forget I mentioned her

Thursday, March 20, 2008

everybody's a star



The merging of these two entities is really enough to make me... how should I put this... shit my pants.

pregnancy is the new sex tape

I'm far more interested in the potential Lindsay sex tape, because a) GOD KNOWS there really is one out there somewhere, it's literally impossible for there to not be one, and b) she's apparently quite feisty so it should be good, unlike some other celeb tapes that really disappoint (cough cough paris)... but anyways, Audrina took naked pictures to try and get into Playboy a few years ago, and now they're out, and nothing to be ashamed of, the girl looks hot... so, go to Tyler Durden and check 'em out. Pervs.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

girl scout cookie season!

So I'm kinda in to the new Sarah Marshall movie's ad campaign... made up pretty much of this blog and a bunch of billboards that are all over (at least LA, I assume it's more widespread). The one right by my house says 'My Mom Never Liked You Sarah Marshall!' Kinda clever, gets you interested I guess, like those posters all over that said "WHO IS RON PAUL?" and hey, now everyone knows... he's like Nader for conservatives! I know not EXACTLY, so don't get all riled up... the comparison is simple, but it works, I'm going with it. ANYWAYS. Again, I like the premise... it'd work a LOT better if the actors weren't both so recognizable, because the second you look at the blog you KNOW that it's fake (even though you should have been resonably sure of that before, because, who gets billboards?). Anyways, the reason I like that kind of campaign is because it'd be HILARIOUS for something like that to happen and it wasn't fake. Like some guy just got fuckin' pissed at a girl who cheated on him and started putting up hate-billboards and shit, all referring to his blog where he just blogged about what a whoreface she was. I'd have real respect for that guy.

I hope the movie doesn't suck, I really like the HIMYM guy.

Friday, March 14, 2008

cold as fire baby hot as ice

So Lindsay Lohan has decided to come out with a line of leggings. WELL, it's ABOUT TIME! To be honest, I bet I will want a lot of them, because I dig leggings and I usually like what she wears, mostly because, again, I enjoy leggings. Anyways, my guess is they'll be somewhere along the lines of Jeremy Scott... big random patterns on different colors... and Jeremy Scott leggings are high on my wish list, mainly because you can wear them with a mens hanes undershirt and it's a cool outfit. Top that, jeans!

All in all, I really think that only good can come of this. Plus, we can talk about Lindsay again! I really miss her. Oh yeah and her hair looks awesome now, too... anytime it's remotely reddish I'm a big supporter.

In the leggings vein... LCs clothing line is kinda... I mean, it's not ugly or anything it's just sort of blah. Right? I actually think the Audrina dress is kind of adorable, and all of it's definitely wearable (that's in the picture to the right)... it's just also wearable when you buy it from Forever 21. You know? Plus, it really annoys me how Lauren ALWAYS wears 1)plain billowy tops with leggings or 2) plain empire cut dresses or 3) jeans and a plain tube or tank top. Not that she doesn't look cute but why is she some fashion icon now? because she can dress herself not uglily? (I KNOW that's not a word)... also her clothes are kinda pricey which... I guess makes them seem cooler? But also, it's stupid, because they're not interesting and there's no real intrigue about her that merits them being so overpriced, she's pretty damn accessible, in my opinion. Despite how that last sentence looks I really like Lauren (not as much as Kristen, obvs)... I just don't see paying 42 dollars for this tube top just because she "designed" it, aka said "hey, maybe some rouching (sp?) between the boobs, just like on the ones I have been constantly wearing from Abercrombie or whatever since LB season one". Ya dig?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

we're not just sure, we're hiv positive

Duffy is a-maz-ing.



don't you just want to dance in a gym decorated with streamers in the 1950s? I mean... in a good way? I love it. Amy Winehouse meets Petula Clark. That's my analysis.

Hot Canadians: Ellen Page

COMING SOON! I love her so I gotta do a good job, but this is where it's going.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

HELLO WISCONSIN!

Things that I believe are part of Ashton Kutcher's stupid show:

Paris and Benji Madden because Nicole's with Joel, Paris is too huge a whore, and the rings are too obvious. Oh, and Paris sucks.
Scarlett Johansen directing a movie because she's wearing a beret.
The guys with guns on top of Kate Hudson's house because rich people have security and I bet her community's gated on top of that.

Note how none of these things are that interesting. Wouldn't it be awesome if the whole Britney breakdown was part of the show? I'd watch that.

Also... hey, Avril Lavigne: YOU'RE NOT THAT FAMOUS. Apparently the little punklet wore a fake belly for the show to trick people into thinking she's pregnant. It's funny because no one cares! GET IT?! Avril has ALWAYS had a problem with thinking she's suuuuuper famous and everyone is gonna care what she does when in reality the people who DID care probably don't anymore because she never has ANY enthusiasm and always acts like she's super important, and that gets old. She's lame, don't buy her shit.

... but the lil' mama girlfriend remix is amazing.

twenty three positions in a one night stand

William J. Fallon, head of U.S. Central Command, just resigned, citing disrespect for the current administration. I have an insane amount of respect for this man. Read up here!

I'm a little nervous about what this means for our military actions. As you can see in that article, there's talk that the process and actions that led to his resignation were started by an article in Esquire that said he was "the the only thing standing between the Bush Administration and war with Iran." Which... is crazy, first of all... but is also something that remains necessary. Does this mean that we're going to attack Iran? ugh.

Peace, please.




MISSISSIPPI AND PENNSYLVANIA: VOTE OBAMA!!!
And Guam, too.

(glass shattering)

OMG OMG OMG.
Two of my very favorite things are coming together for the very first time! It's like a dream! Ok... ok... Britney Spears is going to be on How I Met Your Mother!
OMG!!!

HIMYM is my very fave, it's hysterical, plus you have Neil Patrick-Harris AND Allison Hannigan AND a character who is Canadian. And now... BRITNEY!!

There are few pieces of news I could hear that could make me happier than this just did. THANKS, WORLD! What a great day.



Is that show Big Bang ever coming back on? I loved that show.

eta: how good does Brits hair look these days?



Man. Once again, she's gettin' it together. MAD PROPS B! Wow... Sorry.

Customer Number 9

So on the radio this morning (probably kroq but it's a rental car and I just listened to whatever came on, so it may have been some other LA station) they were talking about Eliot Spitzer (which is a ridiculous situation, my favorite part being that his only quote in the entire thing is "yeah, wonderful, okay" when they described "Kristen") and they had people calling in to tell stories and try to explain how a hooker (WITH A HEART OF GOLD) can possibly cost so much. Because, let's be real, at some point, no matter how hot this chick is, sex is sex is sex, whatever, and $4300 is a lotta scrill. So anyways, this chick calls in and... actually, this is a 2 parter. FIRST, she talks about how her roommate is a porn star and also an escort, and she makes 18 grand for an entire night (I call BS, but people throw money around like whoa, so who knows, especially if she's famous-ish as a porn star), and says that she has had some "high-profile" clients... and then proceeds to call out Steven Spielberg! Well, she says "in the mid-80's there was that movie, ET? The director of that." I hope she didn't think she was being vague... so, regardless, you heard it here first kids (unless you were listening to the same show as me this morning), Steven Spielberg pays 18 Gs to bang a porn star*.

Oh, the second part, which none of the djs noticed and I have to give this caller props for... they were like, "ok, if this girl's making $18,000 a night, WHY does she have a roommate?" and the girl answers, "well, you know in that lifestyle... people tend to blow that much money pretty quick..." hahahahah good one, caller. The djs totally missed it... I just nodded.

Oooooh Spitzy.... you're soooo screwed.


*please don't sue me IT WAS ON THE RADIO.